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Archive for December, 2009

Dirge

Your words twist
into the viscera
like a fist in the black haze of slumber
just when i had forgotten
what it means to miss you
in this phased out
reality pantomiming my
bloody smile as
a true form of happiness. I smell your sweat
on a pillow you’ve never met before.
And I remember who
I once was and who
I am not, anymore.

Hello
You probably don’t
remember me
but forgetting you
was harder than
drinking sunlight or workin’ twilight in the deadtime
beneath overpass signs.
And my mind drives
30,000 miles an hour
to shower me with my very own tears

So why do these
memories keep
coming back to me?
Just as I forget your face I see you
looking back at me in my mirror
like a chronoscopic dirge.

please forgive me god for my losing faith
in my self.
For I am a monster
a demon, feeding into my fears
and in my depths I am drowning
below the tides of tried and
the truly decieved for a while
and think that these scars have healed
but i’m only lying to myself

So why do these memories keep
coming back to me?
Just as I forget your face I see you
looking back at me in my mirror
like a chronoscopic dirge of past revelries
how could I forget me
and who I was going to be
that turned out to be anybody other than me
And who I am is lonely marked
on a shelf too high to reach with my hands
So why do these
memories keep
coming back to me?
Just as I forget you
I see you
looking back at me just as I turn to leave.

So bye bye, oh
and by the by, I think that I
am happier now without you
and without me forgetting me
like in a make believe story of a child
called “stinging curiosity”
who played at love and lost
more than anyone can, but you see
i am no longer burdened by what you thought
that i
could be

It said “hi. Bye forget the mess in your head instead look into the clouds of loud silences and hear their gears turning”

 

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To me there has never has been a soul as foul.
chopping through your forest of love now. I bet you you’re sorry now. I bet now you’re sorry.
but it’s a worthless and futile task now.
There are no more pieces of you to pick up.
Now, I watch as you look over your shoulder
at shadows, at nothing, at me
What does it take for you to understand
I am the tempest, the fire, the most baleful of men
I am the hunter, the destroyer, the king of the end
You are a beauty, a grace, but not unto me 

 You are my equal, my reflection, reversed to purity
and in me decadence you provide all your answers
without questions and I am given not a reprieve,
oh my darling, my angel, look at me
my darling, my angel, bow down now for me
for it is something I can not do. 

 oh my darling, my angel, look at me
my darling, my angel, bow down now for me
for it is something I can not do.
For you. For me. Forgive.
Forget me. Without Regret.
Fortune does not favor the weak.
Forgive. For you. Forget. For Me 

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The Shades of You and I

Delicious like a vicious poison, toxic like a caustic cloud
you wrap me in a world without end and a hopeful shroud
surrounds my life now.
I hope I make you proud and astounded
by the joy and love I encapsulate from you
I’ll insulate you from the pains of the world
and you are like the world to me.

{CHORUS}
I’m blue when you are saddened.
I’m feel misshapened when you’re maddened.
Deranged by our lycanthropic love as it evolves through the ages
because I will never want to turn further pages
without you.
Emily they scream inside my head
and like the dead it stirs me.

We make no concessions in our professions of our love
and in secret nights we make confessions of our darker desires
to be within and not without one another’s touch.
I say “I could never love the world half as much as you.”
You say “I could never love the world half as much as I love you.”
and I say “Yeah, that too.”
You smile. God, I love you.

{CHORUS}

Like the waking dead I’m called to you for succor
I want you like I want no other lover.
Only madmen could turn from love
the way I turn to you
And I will never turn away.
You are a brightest white light against my deepest blackest days.
And if I die before I wake,
I’ll pray to no lord my soul to take.
‘Cause if I’d die I’d find you and remind you
that sometimes some things last forever.
{Spoken}
I love you less than three thousand, three hundred, thirty-three. (<3333)
You mean the world to me.
You are my everything.
My Emily.

Aishiteru. Aishiteru. I love you.

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The Laws of Demons

There are many types of people. Most of them are worthless vile creatures. I hate most people, because people…People are worth hating.
 I feel trapped -everyday- by a world of liars, of spineless, brainless demons. Willing to hurt those around them for self-preservation, for nothing more than the ability to be lazy. Safe in Sloth by erring on the side of ass kissing. Time and time again, I find that the people in higher positions, whether my boss or “My” president, they are worthless offal. Everyday, I am struck, wounded by the knowledge that it is not ability to perform a task, but the ability to accept being face-fucked by ‘superiors’ which lets someone advance to these higher positions.
 And when these bastard vermin attain their coveted higher position they, like the vermin they replace, revel in their ability to force others to do their work whilst they themselves do nothing but drink coffee and sit on their ass. They still expect others to work, follow all rules, and they use those rules (twist them) to harass those that do not act as they once did.
 I, I don’t take kindly to those who attempt to exploit me. I do my job. I expect those, whether above or below me, to do the EXACT same. But, not these blighters. “Do as I say, not as I do.” They wear such a motto. It is the maxim of the legion carrion.
“It’s not my job.” I’ve heard so many times, askewed to imply that despite the fact that one may be able to provide assistance for someone who deserves it by their need, they would err on the side of laziness and worthlessness. Far be it for them to extend their hand in needed help for another less fortunate, for someone working hard who could use the help. Because they gain nothing themselves, only work. How sad, this world has become ruled by demons. This is but one of the reasons my blog in entitled, Apocalypse 18:2.
 Apocalypse means “to reveal”. But you might better know this word by its english counterpart, Revelation. Revelation 18:2 speaks volumes of  the current world, “Fallen, fallen is the city of Babylon. For it has become a dwelling place of demons.”
 That is what the world has become. Made vile by The Vile Spawn of Satan. Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Vanity, Pride, Lust, Gluttony.
 Honor, Honesty, Piety, Altruism, Moderation. These things are distained in this world. This world claims a love of Heroes, but promotes only Villains. How ill this world has become.
 I am possessed of extreme intelligence. Possessed by Honor, Honesty, Piety, Altruism, and Moderation, I am a nobleman. But I am of sin as well. Wrath is my vice. I don’t presume that I am perfect. Or even worthy of praise. I despise my mistakes. My Wrath has made me harm someone so severely that I fear myself. I must perpetually control my urges to smite those who offend me. In my youth my fists delivered swift vengeance for minimal trespasses. Now I must use words first. And cafefully worded, they must be. Because, in America, saying something like, “If you don’t shut up, I’m going to hurt you,” is no different than a quick hammer blow to a person’s ribs shattering their side and stopping their speech. Both are assault. Their only difference is in degree. Meer words can put you in jail. But the words of the one who caused such anger is free of reprisal. When did the world become so fucked up. A person my belittle another until they are so enraged they act upon the urge to make it stop. These same harassing words cause our lessers to commit suicide. So why is that not a crime as well. What is worse, is the fact that a person who fails at committing suicide can be convicted of “Attempted Suicide”. How novelly contemptuous, further ostracize those who have been so ostracized they wish to cease living. Such brilliant cruelty. The Laws of Demons.

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Yesterday Again

Yesterday was such a good day
Why can’t it be yesterday again

Yesterday I tucked you in
watched as the lamp made
a fire in your eyes, last night
Watched as you laid your head down
The last day you said I love you
before your dreams touched the sky
you kissed me good night
and I slept so sound
You made me happy all around

The last night
The last day
I was happy
Yesterday

Yesterdays fade away
hopeless and sad
too upset to be mad
less than half a man
I can’t even stand
even see
the tears clouding me
coward fit
I exist
when nothing wants me

Yesterday was such a good day
Why can’t it be yesterday again
Yesterday you were my girlfriend
Why can’t it be yesterday again

Quite content with crying fits

Why can’t it be yesterday again

Can’t it be yesterday again

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So Pretty

I Love you
Spread your legs so I can love you more
You’re So Pretty, you self-addicting whore
back away
what’s trodden black is an evil place
I’ll leave in dirt what I would say
I hope that dirt becomes the earth
that sits atop your grave

Hush!

And sleep away your second wind
Sorry Honeybun, you can’t begin at “The End.”

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Pariah

Pariah

Pariah-like
I sit beside her
before she casts me out
drugs
in her mind
inside her
she always throws me out
she forces me through
such trial
just to find out
what it is
inside her
she always shuts me out

It makes me sick to please you
You make me sad when I appease you
Understand the contradiction
You’re like a pain addiction

Finally
I realized
that she was far from lost
sadly
in her mind
I was worth the cost
funny
I was so kind
that she left me at a loss

It makes me sick to please you
You make me sad when I appease you
Understand the contradiction
You’re like a bad addiction

Now
she stumbles
like the walking dead
oh, how
she fumbles
and can never stay ahead
now
her beauty’s humble
her eyes pitched in a failing red

It makes me sick to please you
It makes me mad when I appease you
Understand the contradiction
You’re like a sad addiction
You’re like a bad addiction
You’re like a mad addiction

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